Tag Archives: Mothering

You Can’t Possible Make This Stuff UP!

7 Oct

Central Colombia woman grows potato in vagina in ill-advised contraception attempt Oct 1, 2014 posted by Craig Corbet

Shocked medical staff in a clinic in the central Colombian town of Honda have discovered a potato growing inside a patient’s vagina, local media reported on Wednesday.

The bizarre phenomenon was discovered when doctors attended a 22-year-old woman complaining of abdominal pains this week.

The embarrassed young woman explained that she had been advised by her mother to insert a potato into her vagina as a means of avoiding unwanted pregnancy.

“My mom told me that if I didn’t want to get pregnant, I should put a potato up there, and I believed her.” the unnamed patient was quoted as saying by local news website HSB Noticias.

After leaving the potato in place for around 2 weeks she began to experience intense pain in her lower abdomen. The potato had germinated, and grown roots inside the lady’s private parts.

When the nurse went to examine the patient, she originally thought she had been the target of a practical joke, as she found roots emerging from the young woman´s vagina.

The offending root vegetable was removed without need for surgery, and there should be no lasting physical effects on the young woman.

Carolina Rojas, the attending nurse, pointed the finger of blame at the woman´s mother for giving her daughter such bad advice in terms of contraception methods available.

 

All of a sudden, I’m feeling like a really really great mother! At least no vegetable garden has grown inside any of my children!!!

How about if we grade on a curve…What are you feeling really really great about today!

p.s. Thank you Ah Yea for the post idea!

Halloween!

30 Oct

Dear Readers,

 

I am going to say it out loud…I Hate Halloween! 

 

I know how it makes me sound like an anti-candy person, which I am NOT. Which is completely ridiculous to anyone who knows me, I could not survive without some kind of (sweetly, sweetfull, sweet-a-licious) indulgence everyday if not twice a day!

 

One would think with such a sweet tooth and sweet thoughts this would be MY holiday…keep reading!

 

I never have liked Halloween even as a kid growing up in Rochester, NY. Any Rochester child knows one of the most important decisions regarding a Halloween costume is; can you wear it over a snowsuit (will it still fit?) and will it lose its impact?

 

Do not get what all the fuss fun is all about.

 

I hate having my doorbell ringing every five minutes. I am a generous person, I love giving, I love giving candy…just ask Thing one and Thing two? With one hand on the bible, swearing under oath, they would scream from their sugar high…”YES!” I give them lots and lots of (candy/cookies) treats.

My dogs’ staffs go crazy with every footstep, voice and doorbell they hear! Inside my home a barking-fest, giving pause to even the biggest dog lover a question of my staff’s existence. Poor Elwood and poor Augie, thinking we are under attack, bless their protective hearts!…Maybe my Halloween blessing will be hurricane Sandy?

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Elwood and Augie standing guard!

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Target -1st floor

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Target – 1st Floor

 

Do not get what all the bother fun is all about.

Halloween is a time for the truly gifted and artistic mothers to shine brightly (I am definitely Not one of them). YOU own the cluster of streets in your neighborhood, YOU own the Halloween party at school.  The Halloween talent light shines brightly on you, not your child (hmmm) Please do not confuse those who make a costume with those who CREATE a costume. Halloween CREATIONS would bring any Broadway producer down to his knees green with envy (no pun intended.)

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Target – 2nd Floor

 

Do not get what all the aggravation fun is all about.

Halloween is a time when some adult women use it as an excuse to dress like sluts their fantasies.  Men (equal opportunist) use it as the same excuse, a gynecologist or Hugh Hefner…and they always think they are so original and oh so funny ewww. 

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The Mall 10.27.12

Do not get what all the commotion fun is all about.

But what you all do not know (and must) about Halloween in Rochester, NY or I should say trick or treating at my house, MY FAMILY. After a night of hard work, running from house to house, screaming trick or treat at adults, getting rewarded handsomely with sweet candy to add to our already way too heavy pillowcases filled with sugared treats. Upon our arrival back home (I and my sister)…  would get greeted at our front door by my Mother with a smile on her face. We would empty all our candy out and Mother would have us pick six of our most favorite pieces of candy we wanted to keep (more then enough for any one child) and then for the rest of our sweet stash  (pounds and pounds of candy) my Mother would take it to the pediatric floors at our local hospitals for children who were unable to enjoy one of the most fun nights’ a child could possibly have!

 

 

Ok Ok…maybe there is some (lots) of fun in this orange and black holiday!  For I will be thinking of my beautiful, sweet and generous mother tomorrow with a smile on my face as the doorbell rings, the dogs bark and children screaming trick or treat! For it was the love of my Mother that made everyday sweeter for me and for so many children in hospitals on Halloween!

 

Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today… Halloween “ready and able” … a bowl filled with candy, 2 dog crates office cubicles, a huge sugar rush and a witch’s hat on my head! (Pun intended)

 

Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!

 

Kindest regards,

 

Asklotta

 

President and CEO

 

CBCorp

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