Tag Archives: Marriage

Loving Words On Thursday!

4 Sep

“It happens all the time in heaven,

And some day

It will begin to happen

Again on earth-

That men and women who are


And men and men who are lovers,

And women and women

Who give each other light,

Often will get down on their


And while so tenderly

Holding their lover’s hand,

With tears in their eyes,

Will sincerely speak, saying,

My dear,

How can I be more loving to you;

How can I be more kind?”






23 Jul

With all the attention these past few days  to the 25th anniversary of the movie “When Harry Met Sally”, staring Billie Crystal and Meg Ryan…My thoughts wonder towards relationships and the movie’s theme. Can a man and a woman really be friends?

“When Harry Met Sally”

“Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.”
― Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally


So given my stir it up personality, needing to take it to the next level…

The question before you is:

….Can a hetersexual married woman be friends with a hetersexual man that is not her husband?


…Can a hetersexual woman be friends with another woman’s husband? And not with his wife?

I suppose the quick and edging answer is: yes (friendships have no boundaries)….But is that really true, are friendships really without boundaries or expectations?

Can you meet a married man and fall into a causal gender-neutral friendship? Or what what about the kind of friendships that had started years ago during your single years?  Can you remain close friends regardless of yours or his marital status?

I say, martial status changes the game and hence the rules to play by. AND only stupid girls with huge ego’s think they can have a friendship with someone else’s husband….End of game!

OR…Has the game just begun?


He Said, She Said…

17 Mar


He said… “do you want to go for a walk?”

She said… “sure”

He said… “would you ever get married again?

She said… “NO”

He said… “I would”

She said… “not me!”

He said… “I’m just calling to make sure you got home safely”

She said,…”Thank you, that is so sweet of you”

He said… “Would you like to go out on a date?”

She said… “I would love to”

He said… “I will protect your heart and risk mine”

She said… nothing out loud but felt loved

He said… will you marry me?

She said… YES!

Eight years later (today)…..

He said, “happy anniversary to the love of my life”

She said, nothing out loud but felt even more loved….

So Many Questions!

11 Jan
Dear Readers,

This just might be the perfect case of how our laws have not kept up with society. 
Or this might be the perfect case of how we need to drop labeling people. 
Or this just might be the perfect case how government is too large and should not be in our lives to this extent. 
Or maybe this is the perfect case of how we depend on the government too much to solve our problems. 
Or maybe this is the perfect example of why all states should allow gay marriages, 
Or maybe this is the perfect example of once there are children involve, does it really matter if they have a mother and father, two mothers. two fathers as long as they are loved and well cared for?
Or maybe this is the perfect case of how….you decide…. 
Please read…
PHOENIX — An Arizona man who garnered national media attention for giving birth to three children after having a sex-change operation has hit a snag in his divorce proceedings that could prevent him from having his marriage legally dissolved.
A judge is questioning whether the state’s same-sex marriage ban bars him from ending Thomas and Nancy Beatie’s union – or even recognizing its validity. Thomas Beatie was born a woman and underwent a sex change but retained female reproductive organs and gave birth to three children.
Thomas and Nancy Beatie are eager to end their nine-year marriage, but their divorce plans stalled when Maricopa County Family Court Judge Douglas Gerlach said in late June that he was unable to find any legal authority defining a man as someone who can give birth.
“Are we dealing with a same-sex marriage?” Gerlach asked. He noted Arizona has banned such marriages and refuses to accept those performed in other states. The judge added no court here is allowed to declare same-sex unions valid.
Shannon Minter, legal director for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, said courts have declared marriages involving a transgender person invalid in a handful of cases across the country. But he said those cases had different factual and legal issues than those in the Beatie case.
Minter, an expert in family law involving gay, lesbian and transgender people, said he could recall only one case in which a marriage involving a transgender person who gave birth went through the courts. He said that union was dissolved in California about a decade ago without disputes about whether the marriage was valid.
“What you have is a man and woman who are married, and their relationship is ending,” said Minter, who isn’t involved in the Beatie case. “And it’s no different, fundamentally, from other people in that circumstance.”
Jim Campbell, an attorney for a conservative Christian legal organization that isn’t involved in the Beatie case, said in an email that the failure of the courts to protect traditional marriage has led to chaos and that children are being led into “increasingly bizarre situations.”
“Sadly, the deep confusion created by these two women, and the biological father who helped conceive the children, is just a symptom of much greater societal problems,” said Campbell, of the Alliance Defending Freedom.
Thomas Beatie, known as “The Pregnant Man,” was born Tracy Lehuanani Lagondino in Oahu, Hawaii. He began testosterone treatments in 1997 and underwent double mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery in 2002. He changed his Hawaii driver’s license to say he was a man and had a Hawaiian court approve his name change to Thomas.
Thomas Beatie married his partner Nancy in early 2003 in Honolulu and became pregnant because Nancy was unable to have children. Thomas Beatie conceived with donated sperm and gave birth to children who are now 4, 3 and 2 years old. The couple eventually moved to Arizona.
Beatie has garnered a range of media attention, making the rounds on talk shows such as Larry King and Oprah Winfrey and winning a spot on Barbara Walters’ list of “10 Most Fascinating People” in 2008, alongside President Barack Obama, conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh and swimmer Michael Phelps. He also published a book, “Labor Of Love: The Story Of One Man’s Extraordinary Pregnancy,” whose cover displayed an image of a shirtless Thomas sporting facial hair and holding a hand over his bare pregnant belly.
Beatie, through one of his attorneys, declined an interview request.
The Beatie divorce case turns on the question of whether a judge has jurisdiction to grant a divorce in a marriage involving a transgender person. A Jan. 31 trial is scheduled, and the judge is expected to rule in early February.
If the judge decides he has no jurisdiction, Thomas is expected to appeal, and attorneys on both sides said the temporary agreement on parenting time likely would be made permanent. They might have to go to civil court to divide their property.
While the judge is mulling whether to let the couple divorce, Thomas and Nancy agree they should end the marriage.
“If you took away the transgender part of it, it’s a garden-variety divorce case,” said David Higgins, Nancy’s attorney.
David Michael Cantor, one of Thomas Beatie’s attorneys, said it would be more financially favorable for his client if the marriage weren’t recognized by the courts, because Thomas could have to pay Nancy alimony. But Cantor said Thomas wants the divorce as an official recognition that their union was legitimate. “He loses money, but he wants to be told it’s valid,” Cantor said.
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today not in judgement but in hopes they find peace and are all able to move on!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

Passing in Peace leaves ALL in Peace!

4 Oct
Dear Readers,
A very kind and loving man passed away gently in his sleep last Thursday, September 27. I am taking a moment today to honor his life for he was a man that not only passed in peace but also passed on a most precious gift, the gift of peace to ALL. 
…Allow me to explain
On July 18 I posted “Divorcing” basically saying there is a time for hurt and pain in divorcing but there also NEEDS to be a time to move on (putting down the swords) for everyone’s sake. So eventually the shattered family could/would be able to become a new whole, a new family, with new rules and boundaries for healing.
I gave the example of Katie Homes and Tom Cruise. I am so very positive there was a tremendous amount of pain to spread around for everyone involved, (including extended families/friends). But they certainly conducted themselves as adults. Their divorce could have played out in the media with unforgivable words and actions spitted at each other with famous divorce lawyers becoming even more rich and famous. But instead they were the model divorcing couple…remaining dignified.
I received a response from a reader who said Wow I haven’t thought about this in years and shared her experience as a child of divorce.
She wrote…(please see July 19 posting for full letter)
“My mother took the high road when my Dad left her for another woman. She never once said a negative thing about my dad after their divorce. She never once said the words “child support” or “money” or “your dad did blankety-blank-blank to me” or “if your dad hadn’t left me…” or “your dad won’t pay for that so you can’t do it.” 
“She never said one negative thing about my stepmom (and from my experience and observation it’s the insecurity of the bio-mom that starts the name-calling and/or bad relationship between a bio-mom and a stepmom — so here’s to you, Mom!). “
“My mother gave me the freedom to love my stepmom. And guess what — I love my mother even more for it. So, my parents gave me the gift of harmony within their divorce, and the gift of many holidays with all three of them. Open minds create open hearts.”
“I still have my parents. They’re 88, soon to be 89. I lost my stepmom recently and would give anything to have her back. But God works in mysterious ways. Instead of my mom and dad living their lives out alone, they like to spend their time together with me. We yuck it up, laugh about the past, try to figure out my brothers, go on rides, and we all miss my stepmom. How’s that for life going full circle? It’s the payoff for two people taking the high road. We all win!”
A week ago Tuesday his daughter and former wife ALL took a drive together to their favorite place to enjoy some time and some fall colors. When Mr. K quietly passed in his sleep just two days later, his daughter had sweet memories of her father, and Tuesday’s words…he said, “I am so happy I am with my family.” All the years and years of kindness allowed that Tuesday’s travel plans as a family, a destination of being ALL together in his final days… But please read on!
A day before Mr. K died he said to his daughter,  “I had your mother put back in my will, it was the lease I could do for all her years of kindness.” AND…
His Obituary reads:
November 09.1923 – September 27, 2012
“Donald K, age 88. beloved husband of the late Eloise M. Loving father….
Dear friend and former spouse to Jean. “The Silver Fox” was a unique guy, to say the least, and always ready to entertain family and friends with hilarious dances, songs, and faces…. he proudly fought for our country in WWII as a pilot in the Army Air Corps. As he put it, he had “a good run” and will forever be remembered for his duck calls, love of the west, exuberant personality, positive attitude in the face of illness, perplexing life decisions, and appreciation of laughter, fresh air, animals, and life.” 
So here’s to you Mr. K, for helping keep our great nation safe, for your sense of humor and for what you left behind….us ALL together! 


BUT with all that said, it was the love in your heart that enabled a peaceful passing for you and for those you needed to leave behind! 
For that Mr. K…
We will ALL be on the West Side, together!
We will ALL be remembering your life, together!
We will ALL be supporting the ones you love, together!
We will ALL be filled with much laughter, together!
We will ALL be missing you, together! 
AND for ALL of that Mr. K., thank you so very much!  For you have left us ALL able to be together in peace!!! 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today celebrating the life of Mr. K (not a perfect man) but certainly a perfectly loving man.
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

Sobering Up From “Love Potion Number 9!”

2 Oct

Dear Readers,


I have written and spoken about this subject many times and let me state upfront I am a pro-marriage. I think like anything else in the hands of humans nothing is perfect and marriage is neither for the weak or meek nor for the narcissistic but then again what great things come to those kinds of people. Let me state again, I believe marriage is a wonderful institution and if some can’t hack it, so be it, not everyone can play football but that doesn’t mean we should change the game.


But for today’s purpose there was an interesting article on the subject of Marriage in last Sundays’ New York Times (September 30, 2012) the SundayStyles section titled


“Till Death, or 20 Years, Do Us Part”

by Matt Richtel


Mr. Richtel writes:


“Last year, several lawmakers in Mexico City proposed the creation of short-term, renewable marriage contracts with terms as brief as two years. The idea was to own up to the reality that marriages fail about half the time.” Hmmm treating people as you would a leased car, contractual agreeing for X amount of years with the option to renew, wonder how that’s working?


That many experts believe we “need to rethink an institution that so often fails.” sighting many reasons anywhere from people living longer, lack of religion, and families living in different states (no longer in close proximity), weakening the family support system.


The article states….

“… a Bowling Green State University study found that the divorce rate for people 50 to 64 has doubled since 1990, and tripled for those 65 and above.” 


“Kenneth P. Altshuler, the president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the divorce-attorney trade group…” Now why do I think taking advice on love, respect and honor from this group of people is like swallowing poison and expecting to live! But anyway…


He says…


“…One key, he said, would be figuring out a formula for predetermining alimony, given the extent to which money becomes a proxy for bitterness during divorce. That could be solved, he said, through something like tables that show what payments each spouse would make based on his or her eventual income in Year 20.” He further says, “In his line of work, he tends to see divorces happen around seven years, the itch (statistically, most happen in the first seven years), and also around the 20-year mark, or, more to the point, when children leave home. He said it was a very clear pattern: parents focus on the kids, their work, grow apart, can’t find each other again.”


Leave it to a lawyer to think everything can be fixed with money and a contract. Be still my heart, contractual nirvana! This is a joke given our judicial system that encourages, supports and rewards the bitter and entitled so why would anyone still breathing would think a 20-year-old document that was created with love and hope would not get bitterly challenged after getting dumped?


I also disagree with Mr. Altshuler regarding money becomes a proxy for bitterness during divorce, I think it’s feelings of hurt, jealousy and being wrong that become the proxy for bitterness; money and lawyers are the weapons of choice.



Furthermore, pre-nups already exist for many couples (money and contracts) symbolic of the reality that for some couples pre-matrimonial happiness has a time limit so the lawmakers in Mexico City seem to be wasting the taxpayers’ time and money for premarital contracts with time limits already exist.


But the bottom line there will always be divorce as long as there are….


…Women/men having/had affairs with supposedly their soul mates, divorcing their spouses in a flurry of fantasy in search of paradise, only to find out harmony and bliss does not exist once they sober up from their beverage of choice “love potion number 9.” And when sobriety also delivers the reality their former spouse (the ones they dropped kicked to the curb) have found someone new and are in a much happier place, the green eye monster rises and twist those narcissistic idiots into a fitful ugly hot mess. As they blame everyone except themselves for their unhappiness with the predicted end result of good friends/family stiff-arming them by closing the door on their friendship.




A New Jersey friend of mine came up with a great suggestion years ago to help keep families/friends intact. Before a couple could divorce they would have to stand before a tribe of their friends, stating their reasons for divorce. Their friends would decide if their reasons had merit or not. He said since divorcing friends have cost him friendships he should have a say in it…I couldn’t agree more.




Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today totally committed to commitments.


Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!


Kindest regards,




President and CEO






TGIF – Conan O’Brien and Kunal Nayyar on Marriage!

31 Aug
Dear Readers,

TGIF – Please cut and paste the link below to enjoy some very funny marriage banter from the likes of these two men. It all starts when Conan O’Brien asked Kunal Nayyar how he was adjusting to married life!
Just Hilarious!
Asklotta and staff is MINDING YOUR BUSINESS today off buying an IPhone and string for my husband :-)!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

I Heard in the Grocery Store!

27 Aug
Dear Readers,
She is a SLUT! I heard from my phone as I was pushing a cart in the grocery store. 
What? King Tut I said as I reached for an organic Fuji apple. 
NOOO. She is a SLUT, now yelling in my ear. You just have to take my word on it. She broke up my friend’s marriage and her own and now HE wants to bring HER on vacation with us all. We were just going on vacation with just him, and his son, I truly was looking forward to spending some time with just them and NOW he is bringing the Slut and her three children WITH US she screamed
How about some honesty I suggested as I moved on to the locally grown vegetables. Why not tell him you were looking forward to spending time with him and his sons (the first time) since the divorce plus you are not comfortable with him (so soon) bringing along the woman that broke up his marriage and even though you respect and honor his friendship with your husband, you are still mourning the death of his marriage…right or wrong, that is just how you feel.
“No no I hate conflict plus my husband doesn’t want his friend to cancel his vacation plans with us” she said, is there something else I can say?
Tamari Almonds
“What? You’re not paying attention!”
Yes I am, you asked for my advice, you didn’t want to take it. So now I thought I would ask for your advice…. Do you like Tamari Almonds?
Yes of course” she said….”But…. what… am… I… going… to… do?”
Lets review I said as I rounded the corner pushing towards the hand stuffed Jalapeno Olives.
Honesty is not an option, right? “Correct.” she said
Your husband wants his friend to go on vacation with you all, right? “Correct”
Your husband doesn’t care if he brings the home wrecker aka Slut, right? “Correct, Damn it.”
In fact your husband would be upset if you did anything to make his friend not feel welcome, right? 
Stop moaning I can’t hear your answer. “CORRRRRECT!” 
Hear is the good news…
…Life could not be any simpler…. You… do… nothing!
Because you love your husband way more then you dislike the Slut.
“You are right and one more thing,” she said.
And now it was my turn to moan…. yes I said?
“Would you pick up a gallon of 1% milk for me?”
 It would be my pleasure, see you soon. 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today in the grocery store. It is amazing the clarity one has among the locally grown vegetables and the hand stuffed Jalapeno Olives!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

Men and Women Friends?

30 Jul
Dear Readers,
Last week I walked through an exercise room filled with machines, weights and mirrors I looked up and bolted to the ceiling were three T.V. screens all on different channels and all on mute. The center T.V. caught my attentions, the caption underneath the two talking heads said, “can men and women be friends?” I kept walking since I was on my way to an event so I never did find out what was their final conclusion.
Just the mere mention of men and women being friends conjures up visions of Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in that fabulous movie “When Harry met Sally?” One of the best movies of all times!
“Harry Burns: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally Albright: A journalist.
Harry Burns: Right, that’s what I said.”
But the question still remains and now before us, is it possible for Men and Women to be just friends? 
I say YES if neither one is married, I say NO if at least one of them is married. 
Last Saturday night my silent investor and I were out for dinner with some friends and having the most wonderful time talking, laughing and eating! Then I did it, I had to asked the question… Can Men and Women be friends? The first thing out of everyone’s mouth was “our kids would say yes.” Or yes regarding co-workers but only in the work environment never socially.
…But then the fun came, the stories, oh the stories of past women, past female friends of their husbands.  These past female friends apparently did not think being married would or should change their friendship with their men-pals for one second much less forever. They could not understand their friend was now another women’s husband. AND the only way to have continued a friendship with a married man and did I mention the ONLY way is through a friendship with his wife! Boohoo if that does not work, S O R R Y!
Stupid, stupid, stupid…. each story told was better then the next, of the bold, cocky and flirting women calling, acting and behaving as if their man-pal would make his wife second to them.  Stupid, stupid, stupid…. Well happy ending of course, these are husbands of MY friends of the honorable (no cheating, no lying.) Their husband’s dropped kicked the stupid girl (pals) to the curb.
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today as my silent investor’s only true female friend.
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

Husbands Are From The Fast Lane!

3 May
Dear Readers,

I recently received an etiquette question regarding the operation of automobiles. This topic, however, is not your typical driving etiquette topic. It has nothing to do with road rage nor texting-while-driving nor carpooling, yet every single woman I know has faced it at one time or another. It is: The husband who drives like a maniac and doesn’t even know it. 

The scene goes something like this: 
You’re in the passenger seat while your loving spouse is manning the wheel en route to whatever event you’re slightly late for. Suddenly you realize he’s picking up speed, passing cars already going way over the speed limit, turning corners so fast the centrifical force has landed you in the cup holders. There is now a primal fear rising from the depths of your being that you are trying desperately to squelch back down… 

“Slow down dear,” you say in your nicest, calmest voice (which at this point sounds more like the shriek of a banshee than any noise a human could make) “Just- Just SLOW DOWN!!” 

“Why?” your beloved asks serenely while looking over at you like you have 4 heads. “calm down, I got it, i got it,” he’s saying when suddenly in the midst of another hairpin turn he cuts a car off SO closely you let out an ear-piercing scream, clutch the dash board and press your foot repeatedly into the ground as if a brake is magically going to appear the harder you wish for it all as your life is flashing before your eyes… 

Meanwhile, at this exact moment on the other side of the car, a perfectly content husband is mentally praising himself on what good time he’s made and wondering ‘whats wrong with her?’ 

So, to answer this question to the best of my ability I grabbed my Emily Post’s Etiquette 18th edition and happened to come across such a wonderful section on driving “Around Town”.  This posting is for all my sisters out there who have a maniac-husband driving story and have lived to tell it…

“Good Manners = Safety”

“Be Considerate of Your Passengers”
“Not everyone can handle being driven around by a Danica Patrick. It
can be nerve-racking to be a passenger in a car that’s being driven too
fast: You’re not the one at the wheel, and essentially you have no control
over your safety. When you’re the driver, be aware of your passengers’
comfort levels. Slow the speed down a little, take the turns a bit easier,
and generally be more considerate in everything you do. Your passengers
will feel safe and confident in your driving skills.
As the driver, you set the tone in the car, Yelling “Be Quiet” at your
passengers sort of defeats your goal, Speak pleasantly and calmly when
making requests.”

My advice…. make a copy of this posting, tape it to the wheel, seal it
with a kiss… it certainly couldn’t hurt! AND remember it could always be
worse,…you could be lost as well.

As my Mother would say “A Zebra doesn’t change it’s strips.” Good luck
and safe travels!

Today Asklotta and Staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS from the slow lane!

Again, it has been a pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!

Kindest regards,


President and CEO


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