“Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there’s always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia – checking a bag.” –Jimmy Fallon
Hope this puts a smile on your Monday face!
Tag Archives: Laugh
LMAO Monday!
14 AprToday’s contribution is from my dear dear friend BB!…Thank you BB for all the most wonderful enriching (friendship) contributions to my life, I’m filled with gratitude!!!
…Enjoy!
Dear God,
So far today,
I haven’t gossiped,
I haven’t lost my temper,
I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent.
I’m very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God,
I’m going to get out of bed…
and from then on,
I’m probably going to need a lot more help.
Amen
LMAO Monday!
24 MarSubject: Why I’m depressed—–
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel: “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.
Nearly 75 years ago (when welfare was introduced), Roosevelt said” Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land.”
Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land.
I was so depressed last night thinking about the Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars ,lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal…….
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I know you all have heard about TBT (Throw back Thursday)….Well I’ve decided I’m going to start LMAO (Laugh my ass off) Monday!
This is the first…Hope this brings at least a smile to your face today!
Tis The Season…To Giggle!
11 DecDear Readers,
Tis the season…
To stay balanced…
We must take time to eat well, exercise, take care of ourselves spiritually (a huge must) AND also take time to laugh!
So in the spirit of giggles…
MONEY
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
AND with all that said and NOT said…
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today with a giggle and a smile on my face!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
Asklotta
President and CEO
CBCorp
Laughing Day…Again! No Crime In That!
5 NovDear Readers,
Given we had Halloween last night (Trick-or-Treating)…Due to hurricane Sandy, all festivities postponed to November 4….This is just so appropriate and all too funny not to share!
Thing One and Thing Two were my very favorite Treaters. Their costumes were adorable…”Where the Wild Things Are” Thing One was Max (of course) and Thing Two a monster (being 3 yrs old, of course, of course!)
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today on the floor laughing and hoping this will finally be the end to 2012’s Halloween and to any more hurricanes!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
Asklotta
President and CEO
CBCorp
TGIF- Comedian Steven Crowder – It Is Time To Laugh!
2 NovDear Readers,
Seven full days of constant rain of biblical proportions. Yesterday I built a boat per the instructions of God to save myself and my family. Animals got on board simply and easily by marching two by two AND when it came to saving my family… the endless arguments, discussions, schedule conflicts and excuses! No one wanted to believe me the world was coming to an end, you know teenagers. Nothing was simple, nothing was easy…no one wanted to RSVP without confirmation the boat I built to save their lives wouldn’t interfere with their plans.
They started to negotiate, wanting to bring their computers, iphones, ipads, ipod, itunes, Chipotle burritos, Dorritos – Cool Ranch flavor, was the boat wireless they asked? I kept insisting this is NOT how the story was suppose to go…no one was listening to me! So I started to scream… YOU IDIOTS God and I are trying to save your life but you know teenagers…
…God said (and I listened) save yourself and stop screaming you are giving me a headache of biblical proportions. God said there isn’t enough space on the boat for the Apple store…I said…but God how did you not plan/know for the fourth fiscal quarter of 2011 Apple posted revenue of $28.27 billion and net quarterly profit of 6.62 billion and God you know teenagers? Now I was starting to question this antiquated boat, I wasn’t prepared for dial-up!
I wavered but did not break, I stood firm in my faith, never losing faith in God’s Will no matter what Apple posted for 2011 revenue. So I left on that seventh day of darkness and dankness of 40 degree Fahrenheit (for all my e-Canadian friends that would be 4.4 Celsius) and of course sailing off per God’s wishes…saving myself!
Pause…pause…I’m hitting the pause button on this ridiculous rain drenched story for the sun has finally come out! I received calls from five of my friends to ensure I saw the sun at 6:02 pm…giggling and giddy… I said, I did, I did…Hallelujah, Joy to the World!
For it is now time for singing, dancing and laughing on this wonderful Friday!
Laughing is my contribution to that lovely trio….will need a little help from my e-pals for the singing and dancing portion.
But for NOW (see below) cut and paste because this is too damn funny…My oldest child sent this to me while I was on my boat, thank goodness she didn’t give up her Apple products! Love you sweetheart you saved my post!
“Comedian Steven Crowder ‘Redistributes’ Children’s Halloween Candy in Political Spoof Video”
“In the redistribution of sugar wealth video, one child who had some candy taken away had this to say:
“Hey, dude that’s not cool. It’s not fun to take people’s candy. That’s my candy, I worked hard for it.”
When Steven Crowder pointed out that he had more than the child standing next to him, the angry youngster informed the comedian that it was “ok” to have more than someone else. The responses from other children who had some of their Halloween candy redistributed did not go along with the “fair share” endeavor quietly either.
One unhappy child even threatened to call the police because Crowder took something that did not belong to him. Steven explained that he was not stealing, just simply redistributing from those who have a lot to those who have less. The political theory did not impress the kiddos who simply wanted to keep what they had spent an hour earning.”
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today laughing with friends outside in the sun!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
Asklotta
President and CEO
CBCorp
TGIF – Jon Stewart discussed Operation Fast and Furious!
7 SepDear Readers,
TGIF -Jon Stewart makes us laugh at our dysfunctional government as only he can do, it is just hilarious! I guess it is better to laugh than cry!
Cut and paste! and play Defend Your Party’s Executive Privilege from the Previous Administration’s!
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today in no need of any Executive Privileges!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
Asklotta
President and CEO
CBCorp
TGIF – The Jeannie Tate Show
24 AugDear Readers,
TGIF – I was looking through old “Saved Mail” and came across this hilarious video that my daughter sent me in 2007. It is a skit about a soccer mom who is also a talk show host and conducts her show from her minivan! Hmmm somewhat like running a home corporation with dogs employees!
You will laugh so hard you will cry! OR you will think my sense of humor is somewhat ….wellllll, just cut and paste and you be the judge!
http://videos.nymag.com/video/The-Jeannie-Tate-Show#c=77VC6RQTW9YBY6H2&t=The%20Jeannie%20Tate%20Show
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today on the floor laughing too hard to sit up!
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
Asklotta
President and CEO
CBCorp
asklotta 