Tag Archives: Funny

In The Age Of Technology….Tee Hee Hee!

5 Jun

Warning: if you are 35 years or younger stop reading and:

SHUT THIS POST DOWN NOW!

 

OK I think we’re safe. I Do NOT want to reveal my tricks to our/my targets!

…I’m going to share with you some valuable tips on how to get your adult children (18+ yrs.) to call you ASAP!

These are tried and true sure ways!…Honest, I’ve done all of them and they have worked every time!

All you have to do is text your child/children one of the six suggestions below,

1. I’m pregnant

2. I’m leaving your father, step-father

3. I’ve decided to be gay

4. I want to give you money

5. I am not going to give you any more money

6. I’m angry with cell phone provider and your cell phone is getting shut off

……ASAP…..

THEY WILL  CALL YOU, promise!

I sure love how technology has enhanced better communication between parents and children, tee hee hee!

 

 

 

LMAO Monday!

2 Jun

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.

“I’m much too young to die! I’m only 35!”

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, “I’m afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you’ve billed to your clients, and you’re at least 108.”

 

Sweet justices…Pun intended!

Wishing you a very joyous week!

LMAO Monday!

27 May

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.

The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”

The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”

The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”

The third old guy said, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.”

The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”

The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.” — Howard P. Curtis

 

Next week I will begin a summer of trying to break my recond of two rides, Tee hee!

LMAO Monday!

14 Apr

Today’s contribution is from my dear dear friend BB!…Thank you BB for all the most wonderful enriching (friendship) contributions to my life, I’m filled with gratitude!!!

…Enjoy!

 

Dear God,

So far today,

I haven’t gossiped,

I haven’t lost my temper,

I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent.

I’m very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, God,

I’m going to get out of bed…

and from then on,

I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

LMAO Monday!

7 Apr

I’m back from my travels and back to engaging in all your “e-lives” :)!

….Just a little Monday light-hearted nonsense!…Enjoy!

 

So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. “Ma,” he said to his Mother, “I’m going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.” Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. “It’s that one”, said his mother, without blinking an eye. ”Holy cow”, exclaimed David, “how in the world did you know it was her?” “I just don’t like her”, she replied.

 

Hope this brings at a smile to your face, no matter how your Monday unfolds!

 

 

 

LMAO Monday!

24 Mar

Subject: Why I’m depressed—–

 

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel: “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.

Nearly 75 years ago (when welfare was introduced), Roosevelt said” Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land.”
Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land.

I was so depressed last night thinking about the Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars ,lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal…….

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I know you all have heard about TBT (Throw back Thursday)….Well I’ve decided I’m going to start LMAO (Laugh my ass off) Monday!

This is the first…Hope this brings at least a smile to your face today!

Laughing Day…Again! No Crime In That!

5 Nov

Dear Readers,

 
Given we had Halloween last night (Trick-or-Treating)…Due to hurricane Sandy, all festivities postponed to November 4….This is just so appropriate and all too funny not to share!
 
 
 

Thing One and Thing Two were my very favorite Treaters. Their costumes were adorable…”Where the Wild Things Are” Thing One was Max (of course) and Thing Two a monster (being 3 yrs old, of course, of course!)

 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today on the floor laughing and hoping this will finally be the end to 2012’s Halloween and to any more hurricanes!
 
 
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
 
Kindest regards,
 
Asklotta
 
President and CEO
 
CBCorp
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TGIF – Jon Stewart discussed Operation Fast and Furious!

7 Sep
Dear Readers,

 
TGIF -Jon Stewart makes us laugh at our dysfunctional government as only he can do, it is just hilarious! I guess it is better to laugh than cry!
 
Cut and paste! and play Defend Your Party’s Executive Privilege from the Previous Administration’s!
 
 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today in no need of any Executive Privileges!
 
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
 
Kindest regards,
 
Asklotta
 
President and CEO
 
CBCorp   
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TGIF – Conan O’Brien and Kunal Nayyar on Marriage!

31 Aug
Dear Readers,

 
TGIF – Please cut and paste the link below to enjoy some very funny marriage banter from the likes of these two men. It all starts when Conan O’Brien asked Kunal Nayyar how he was adjusting to married life!
 
Just Hilarious!
 
 
Asklotta and staff is MINDING YOUR BUSINESS today off buying an IPhone and string for my husband :-)!
 
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
 
Kindest regards,
 
Asklotta
 
President and CEO
 
CBCorp
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TGIF – The Jeannie Tate Show

24 Aug
Dear Readers,
 
TGIF – I was looking through old “Saved Mail” and came across this hilarious video that my daughter sent me in 2007. It is a skit about a soccer mom who is also a talk show host and conducts her show from her minivan! Hmmm somewhat like running a home corporation with dogs employees! 
 
You will laugh so hard you will cry! OR you will think my sense of humor is somewhat ….wellllll, just cut and paste and you be the judge!
 
 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today on the floor laughing too hard to sit up!
 
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
 
Kindest regards,
 
Asklotta
 
President and CEO
 
CBCorp
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