Tag Archives: Fiction

Marley And No Rest Time!

3 Mar

Friday’s with Marley…

I was on the phone when Marley walked in the room, she flopped down on the floor with a loud snort. As I was finishing up with my call, the noises got louder and along with barking, backward sneezes, and lip licking there where many eye rolls .

I hung up and said… Marley, for God’s sakes what do you want ? You are being far too rude and far too annoying for my liking!

“Well, what do you expect she said, I am over worked, under paid and I’m not given an opportunity to rest on my days off, just like Prince William. We have no down time or better said, no me-time”

I’m speechless, you and Prince William, no rest on days off?…Thinking I might still be able to step out of crazy before it gets crazier.

But…

…Quickly realizing I’m already in the quagmire of crazy and sinking fast with no hope of escaping…

What do you mean, you are not given an opportunity to rest? You rest for hours every single day…In fact, I question whether you even know the difference between day and night.

…She stands up, indignant… “Do you realize how hard I work? I don’t even have time to be polite.” I’M ENTITLED she barks louder, I’M ENTITLED, I’m the victim in mi casa.”

…Excuse me Marley, did I hear you correctly?

……………No time to be polite? …Entitled?

You, You…YOU, a victim? You are definitely barking up the wrong tree today!

“That reminds me, did you notice those unwanted bitches around the tree I like to visit? Can’t believe the level of narcissism in the world today!”

Marley please!

“Well at least you’re being polite…But that doesn’t get me what I want, when I want it.”

Marley, please focus….I continue with an inspirational quote hoping for an enlightened moment.
“Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within.” Helen Keller

” I agree with Helen she said, if you would give me a snack, happiness would be within me”

I turned on my heels, grabbed my car keys and headed for the door, with hopes that crazy wouldn’t follow…

IMG_3359

Marley’s Champagne Wishes…

26 Jan

Friday’s with Marley…

I had been up late the night before, having far too much fun, so this afternoon the idea of taking a nap brought a smile to my face….I crawled into bed, got cozy with my pillow, eyelids slowly closed and peace finally pervailed… when all of a sudden I heard Marley barking.

“Marley, SHHHH…What are you doing besides keeping me from sleeping?”

“Champagne wishes and caviar dreams” she barks

“What? Excuse me…What are you talking about?”

Marley sticks her nose up in the air, looks at me with one eye and with much self-absorb attitude …”What do you mean “what”, she barks….Isn’t it obvious? I SAID IT in English…”

“No Marley, it’s not obvious,” I said with one eye still shut, trying hard to keep my serenity and even harder trying to pretend this conversation wasn’t happening.

“‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous is an American television series that aired in syndication from 1984 to 1995. The show featured the extravagant lifestyles of wealthy entertainers, athletes and business moguls. It was hosted by Robin Leach for the majority of its run.’ And that was Robin Leach’s famous tag line.”

“Marley” I say, “is that directly from Wikipedia? What does this have to do with me? Or you? And why is this so important right this minute while I’m trying to sleep?”

Marley jumps up on to the bed, rolls over, and snorts….

….”I have reached out to Sir Robin Leach with a very insincere sweet and thoughtful email filled with heart-felt nothings… I expect to hear back any day if not any moment that he wants to meet me immediately. He’s going to say that he never thought he’d find a suitable replacement for himself until now….

…Really Marley???

Marley stretches out a little more, getting more comfortable in bed… “You know, you could be a little more supportive of my successful career goals. I mean, honestly, don’t you think you should get up right now and replace the water in my bowl with champagne?…I’m just saying…”

“Yeah right,” I said falling asleep, “in your caviar dreams.”

IMG_3009

Marley and The Candidate!

16 Nov

Friday’s with Marley….

While outside listening to the morning silence, a smile appears on my face without effort. The warm weather rolls over my skin like an ultra soft cashmere tee and the slight breeze is to my back as I turn to the East while sipping my first cup of coffee and say words of gratitude.

I am in the warmth of old dear friends. The kind of friends that love you because of your faults, not in spite of your faults. Again, we are blessed with beautiful weather, warm ocean water and endless topics to debate and talk until your eyes fall out of your head.

I return home and the first thing I hear is Marley barking at me about wanting to be a Presidential candidate.

What? …A candidate?…What are you talking about???

Marley licks her lips, walks with a swagger and says, “I want to host Saturday Night Live and it seems you have to be a Presidential candidate for such said position …My talents would finally get full recognition.

“You’re about qualified enough to host Snausages Night Live. Probably not even live, come to think of it, I think taped media is really more your forte.”

“I’m glad you agree” Marley said while smiling toward the other end of the room.
“Why” I asked suspiciously and joined her gaze to the left.
“Because I just filmed this conversion for my new Vlog, called “You Cant Spell Marley Without ME”. Apologies in advance if I edit out your part.”
“That doesn’t even make sense. There’s no “me” in your name”
“What do you mean? There’s an M and an E. ME”
“That’s not how spelling works”
“It will be when I’m President” she responded, as she took her phone and went upstairs to edit her video.

IMG_2825

Marley, Matt On Accident & The Poem!

21 Oct

Friday’s with Marley…

“Marley’s the puppy that schemes for your loot,
Narcissistic, and snooty to boot,
She’ll steal all but your clothes
If you don’t scratch her nose:
How can this half-pint sized thief be so cute?”

by Matt On Accident
http://mattonaccident.com/

Please go visit Matt On Accident….You will be completely entertained…

…YOU…

….Will not be disappointed…

…Promise!!!

Marley and The Reset Button!

12 Oct

Friday’s with Marley…

Standing in the kitchen in front of the computer with one eye on the coffee machine, waiting for my first cup of peace and clarity, when Marley saunters into the kitchen.

Good morning Marley, your breakfast is in your bowl I say with a warm smile…She glances up at me and continues towards her breakfast.

Marley, I said good morning, it would be nice hear a good morning back.

She barks at me with something about a lot on her mind and since I never told her to say good morning she hasn’t done anything wrong, acting very snarky

I roll my eyes and take a deep breath clutching tightly to my serenity while asking…

…What could possibly be on your mind so early in the morning that has put you in such a cantankerous k-9 mood?

As she finished gobbling up her breakfast while licking her lips, she looked up at me and said….”Not that you would care (burp) but I’m in need of a vacation.”

I turned on my heels and headed back up stairs…A vacation from what, I say under my breath…

“See, that is exactly what I’m talking about. Do you think it’s easy chasing ideas all around, trying to be creative in this challenging business environment? And not to mention, no me time to recharge, rejuvenate, and renew. I’m busy busy busy. There is no rest for the weary”

Marley, aren’t you being over dramatic? And by the way those ideas you’re chasing have bushy tails and are called squirrels..I’m just saying

But….On the other hand…

…If you really want to reset your balance button, there is nothing like exercising outdoors. Breathing in positivity and exhaling negativity, staying present in the moment and to be among the beauty of nature, I think there is nothing better! It’s like a vacation without a hotel bill…What do say Marley, do you want to hike with me today?

Marley turns and walks to her favorite chair and says, “ok, unless of course I get a better invitation.”

IMG_2829

Marley and The Bitch!

15 Sep

Friday’s with Marley…
I’ve just returned from a hike, started to make my “to do list” when I hear moaning from upstairs.

Marley are you OK….What is going on?

Marley waddles downstairs, flops down on the rug and with her eyes shut says…

…I don’t understand why I’m gaining weight. I watch what I eat.

Well Marley, maybe we can figure this out together before getting too worked-up.

For example….
…..I met Agnes while on vacation. She was a little bit of a thing with much pep in her walk. Her mother told me that Agnes is very disciplined. She eats two teaspoons of kibble in the morning and three teaspoons of kibble in the evening along with hiking three miles, five times a week.

…So tell me Marley what is YOUR disciplined routine?

She rolls over, opens her eyes and says…I wake up early…I move from my bed to yours….

Yep go on….

I wait for you to have your first cup of coffee and then I eat a big bowl of breakfast…

Yep, Ok….

I return to your bed…And when you go off to exercise I move to a chair in the living room.

Perfect, what else?

When you finally return, I eat a treat and move to the living room sofa.

Yep, yep…

By the time you are done with what ever you do, I eat another bowl of food…

Alrigh-ty, anything else?

Yep…I curl-up on the living chair so not to disrupt my digestion before going upstairs to bed.

Marley…All you do is eat and sleep…And p.s. eating what ever you want with your eyes open is not watching what you eat, I’m just saying!

Marley gives a snort, gives me the stink eye and says Agnes is the reason why people call female dogs bitches!

IMG_2691

Marley and The Recovery!

31 Aug

Friday’s with Marley…

I awoke with a smile, my head filled with happy memories of my vacation….Beautiful friends, family laughter, amazing hikes of many miles and elevation climbs. I try to adjust to eastern standard time and slowly make my way to the kitchen. With no Marley in sight I beeline to the coffee machine, turn it on and ahhhh. I quickly look around, so far so good.

Just then Marley saunters into the kitchen, lays down and gives out a huge exhale.

“Good morning,” I say. Marley opens her eyes, gives me a sideways glance and whines. “I need a recovery message.” She moans.

“What?” I begin. “You realize you need to do some sort of physical activity or exertion to recover from first… Right? I really don’t see you do anything besides move from the sofa to the chair.”

“Well,” she begins. “Unlike you I place a tremendous amount of importance on renewing my health, which brings me a sense of self-awareness.”

“Excuse me Marley, I don’t place importance on my health or well being?”

“Yea I just said that, glad you agree.”

Marley then grabbed a bunch of ice packs and proceeded to lie on top of them in the TV room — first flipping the channel from news to Food Network.

She then asked me to bring her more blankets and covers for her to nestle into.

“You can’t spell recovery without covers” she said with a smile.

The Morning and Marley!

3 Aug

Friday’s with Marley…

I was standing at the kitchen counter, simultaneously sipping my first cup of coffee and making my “to-do” list for the day when Marley sauntered in.

“Morning Marley,” I said cheerfully. “What’s on your agenda for today? Planning on being productive?”

Marley gave me a look as if I offended her sensibility.

“Really Marley, really” I began as I pulled out some kibble. “Is this attitude really necessary so early in the morning?”

“If you must know I am going to a few open houses today to get a feel for my purchasing power.” She yawned.

“I’m sorry, did you say bird chasing power?” I asked, sure I must have misheard this cantankerous k-9.

“Purchasing. Pur-chasing” she annunciated.

“Marley, I can save you some time and a little shoe leather, er, paw leath- whatever – I can save you the hassle and tell you right now that you have no purchasing power.

Marley looked at me without blinking.

I looked back.

She broke the silence first. “I fully expect my motivational speaking gig titled Dreaming Big will start bringing in that cold hard cash very soon.” She then sauntered toward the kibble singing under her breath “money, money, money, money… MO-ney!”

“Marley, given the current state of your affairs, I highly recommend working on your bird chasing power today instead. Look at all those geese on the lawn. Go get ’em!”

Marley looked at me as if I just suggested she pick up her own poo. She then pulled up some real estate listings on my Ipad and lay down, flipping through with her nose.

As I poured the kibble in her bowl I mumbled under my breath, “Dear Lord, I’m officially on crazy highway with no exit ramp.” Maybe I should listen to my friends Lori and Nancy and put something stronger in my coffee than cream!

Marley and The Summer Job!

20 Jul

Friday’s with Marley…

I was​ home​ on my roof deck​ sitting in a chair listening to a basic meditation audiobook in attempt to find some sort of calm and clarity in my life when Marley came sauntering onto my roof top paradise.

​​”Since you shut down my raffle last week, you have forced me into poverty and I’m in need of cash,” she barked.

‘Marley, you tried to sell my house without telling me,” I said incredulously. “Of course I shut it down.”

“I hate to say it, but you’re kind of a killjoy. However, I think I can help you become more lighthearted and unburdened.”

“You’re moving out?” I said with a side-eye.

“How would that help anything? No, no. You see I can help you, but that’s not enough for me– I want to help more than just the person who feeds me — so I’ve decided to become a motivational speaker as a summer job. These are the Dog Days of Summer after all, which going forward will hereby be known as the Marley Days of Summer.”

“Marley,” I said​ calmly and without judgement trying hard not to get wrapped up in her crazy​. “We are almost at the end of July. Basically there is only one month left of summer,​ you don’t have time to become a motivational speaker– and hang on, furthermore I am not a killjoy!”

“See this is what I’m talking about.” She said. “You ​always​ darken my door with your negativity, halting any creative outside the box thinking. I, as a positive motivational speaker see summer as a state of mind. The Dog Days of Summer may only last a month, but the Marley Days of Summer last all year.”

“Marley, the only box you think outside of is the litter box. I know I’m going to regret asking this but, what is your area of motivational expertise? Fitness? Food? Weight-loss? Spirituality?”

Marley licks her lips, yawns, lays down on the floor, shuts her eyes and mumbles, “how to dream big,” before falling asleep at my feet.

IMG_2102

House For Sale and Marley!

13 Jul

Friday’s with Marley…

I got up out of bed in the usual way, headed to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee (my most favorite part of the day) and Marley was no where to be found.

I love quiet mornings, I love my routine, I love nothing to interrupt all of my morning favorites and today was no different. The bliss of a drama-free morning with hopes of a drama-free day…but yet I could feel something wasn’t right.

Coffee mug in hand, sipping my first sip of heaven’s nectar, that delicious black liquid gold, when I heard a knock at the front door.

I thought, what on earth is going on? Who could be at my door at 6:00 this Friday morning…I could start to feel my tranquility taking off faster than honeymoon pajamas!

…I opened the door and there was a crowd….Excuse me, I said…What on earth is going on here? And why are you at my front door.

The first person stepped up (and may I say), a bit too close for my liking, with much irritation in his voice and said “I’ve been at your front door since 3:00 this morning. I wanted to make sure I was first in line.”

First in-line for what, I said…And in a blink he held up an IPad with several tabs opened to several different social media sights…
…AND THEN…
…And then I saw it, I saw it even without my reading glasses…It was in big red print, my address, with the words, House For Sale…Raffle with grand prize to be announced.

This is a mistake I stuttered. My house is not for sale. I have no idea how this has happened or why and I’m so sorry for all your trouble. Please allow me to reiterate…My house is not for sale! And there is certainly no grand prize of any sort.

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something move from the back of the line. And as the crowd became more hushed and parted like the red sea, I started to hear barking and then with full view I saw her….Oh dear God it’s Marley with her paws full of cash!

MARLEY…M A R L E Y I yelled with a very shaky voice, what are you doing? Give these kind people back all their money and get your tail inside right now…With my fists raised above my head, I yelled “As God as my witness, you’ve gone too far this time!”

It was nothing less than a summer miracle that people were able to pry Marley’s paws open to get back their cash and leave without incident. I apologized up, down and sideways to all as they passed me and if I didn’t know better, I think a few actually felt sorry for me.

Marley sauntered through the front door and I slammed and locked the door behind her…As my anger rose from my toes up through my whole body I said with clenched teeth…Marley please explain to me, why did you post I was selling my house plus take money from people for a made-up raffle?

She flatten herself down on the cool tile floor, shut her eyes and said…”I’m a bit fatigue, I got up too early this morning… I’ll need to get back to you on this one.”

And as it became more apparent that I was only going to get crazy from her, I decided to pour myself a fresh cup of sanity and call a mulligan (a do-over) on this morning’s routine.

IMG_1939

%d bloggers like this: