Sobering Up From “Love Potion Number 9!”

2 Oct

Dear Readers,


I have written and spoken about this subject many times and let me state upfront I am a pro-marriage. I think like anything else in the hands of humans nothing is perfect and marriage is neither for the weak or meek nor for the narcissistic but then again what great things come to those kinds of people. Let me state again, I believe marriage is a wonderful institution and if some can’t hack it, so be it, not everyone can play football but that doesn’t mean we should change the game.


But for today’s purpose there was an interesting article on the subject of Marriage in last Sundays’ New York Times (September 30, 2012) the SundayStyles section titled


“Till Death, or 20 Years, Do Us Part”

by Matt Richtel


Mr. Richtel writes:


“Last year, several lawmakers in Mexico City proposed the creation of short-term, renewable marriage contracts with terms as brief as two years. The idea was to own up to the reality that marriages fail about half the time.” Hmmm treating people as you would a leased car, contractual agreeing for X amount of years with the option to renew, wonder how that’s working?


That many experts believe we “need to rethink an institution that so often fails.” sighting many reasons anywhere from people living longer, lack of religion, and families living in different states (no longer in close proximity), weakening the family support system.


The article states….

“… a Bowling Green State University study found that the divorce rate for people 50 to 64 has doubled since 1990, and tripled for those 65 and above.” 


“Kenneth P. Altshuler, the president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the divorce-attorney trade group…” Now why do I think taking advice on love, respect and honor from this group of people is like swallowing poison and expecting to live! But anyway…


He says…


“…One key, he said, would be figuring out a formula for predetermining alimony, given the extent to which money becomes a proxy for bitterness during divorce. That could be solved, he said, through something like tables that show what payments each spouse would make based on his or her eventual income in Year 20.” He further says, “In his line of work, he tends to see divorces happen around seven years, the itch (statistically, most happen in the first seven years), and also around the 20-year mark, or, more to the point, when children leave home. He said it was a very clear pattern: parents focus on the kids, their work, grow apart, can’t find each other again.”


Leave it to a lawyer to think everything can be fixed with money and a contract. Be still my heart, contractual nirvana! This is a joke given our judicial system that encourages, supports and rewards the bitter and entitled so why would anyone still breathing would think a 20-year-old document that was created with love and hope would not get bitterly challenged after getting dumped?


I also disagree with Mr. Altshuler regarding money becomes a proxy for bitterness during divorce, I think it’s feelings of hurt, jealousy and being wrong that become the proxy for bitterness; money and lawyers are the weapons of choice.



Furthermore, pre-nups already exist for many couples (money and contracts) symbolic of the reality that for some couples pre-matrimonial happiness has a time limit so the lawmakers in Mexico City seem to be wasting the taxpayers’ time and money for premarital contracts with time limits already exist.


But the bottom line there will always be divorce as long as there are….


…Women/men having/had affairs with supposedly their soul mates, divorcing their spouses in a flurry of fantasy in search of paradise, only to find out harmony and bliss does not exist once they sober up from their beverage of choice “love potion number 9.” And when sobriety also delivers the reality their former spouse (the ones they dropped kicked to the curb) have found someone new and are in a much happier place, the green eye monster rises and twist those narcissistic idiots into a fitful ugly hot mess. As they blame everyone except themselves for their unhappiness with the predicted end result of good friends/family stiff-arming them by closing the door on their friendship.




A New Jersey friend of mine came up with a great suggestion years ago to help keep families/friends intact. Before a couple could divorce they would have to stand before a tribe of their friends, stating their reasons for divorce. Their friends would decide if their reasons had merit or not. He said since divorcing friends have cost him friendships he should have a say in it…I couldn’t agree more.




Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today totally committed to commitments.


Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!


Kindest regards,




President and CEO






4 Responses to “Sobering Up From “Love Potion Number 9!””

  1. Liz T. October 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    Wow! Great article. It also wouldn’t hurt to throw the kids into that corps of friends. The article really made me think. As a person who has been divorced, I admit, there was a lot of selfishness involved on my part.

    • asklotta October 2, 2012 at 3:01 pm #

      No No No…Completely disagree!

  2. ann gross October 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

    you hit the nail on the head!!!!!

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