Divorcing

18 Jul
Dear Readers,
 
Divorcing, just the word brings sadness and sorrow to those who have had the unfortunate personal experience with this very painful and expensive process. Divorcing (verb) is the action word for the process and procedure of ending a marriage and life as a family built around the marriage. The thesaurus defines the word divorcing as “dissociating, disconnecting, separating, distancing, and detaching,” 
 
And if anyone thinks for one second everything and everyone is going to be great, happier and better then it was before, they are either insane or have a lover!  The definition of the word does not lend itself to happiness, at least not in the beginning, in fact requires a grieving period for all. To those who think they can by pass right over the grieving period are delusional about divorce’s impact on their family, it reminds me of a saying…”Besides that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?” 
 
When you are the one left, it is all about rebuilding, taking stock of your relationships and making the necessary changes to make yourself whole again. Which always involves new rules and boundaries for engaging with others, which need to be respected (by all) if there is to be any hope of a peaceful and respectful friendship, co-parenting (new working) relationship in the future.  The rules that existed during a marriage become null and void due to a huge new nuance…divorce (dissociating, disconnecting, separating, distancing, and detaching.) Trust needs to be rebuilt and it takes time and time and time and by the way did I mention TIME!
 
There are many good reasons for divorcing your spouse, e.g., addictions, abuse, cheating etc.! And then there are some not so good reasons…but whether the death of a marriage is for a good or bad reason it is ALWAYS better when it does NOT involve a third person (a lover.)  Many cheating spouses will say, cheating didn’t break up the marriage it was a symptom of a bigger problem. Trust me on this one; they are in a state of moral and ethical denial of mind and body.  Woody Allen – “We define ourselves by the choices we make” AND ” With the lack of morality comes rationality” A quote from my posting on June 17  “Defining ourselves!” 
 
Which brings me to the point of today’s posting…
 
Much has been said and written about Katie Holmes and her planned exit from her marriage to Tom Cruise “A Calculated Breakup” by Jacob Bernstein, The New York Times, Sunday, July 15.  But what is a stand out for me, No Lover, No Extramarital Affair! Maybe that is why both sides could come to a mutual and respectful agreement in a short period of time. It also appears which I give her tremendous amount of credit for… her honorable priorities. Katie’s main objective (and got) was sole custody of their daughter Suri. There was a pre-nuptial in place but that does not mean she could not have found a lawyer to charge forward with swords drawn, for an all out frontal attack. 
 
We all know Katie Holmes could have dragged this through the media and courts (no spouse is perfect) and the public would have lapped it up like water on a hot day by a thirsty dog but instead she chose to drag Suri to school, gymnastics and to the zoo…I would say a far better dragging choice for everyone involved! Hmmm a mother actually choosing her child over money and the revengeful disemboweling of her former husband, what a novel idea in today’s greed and self-absorbed, maybe it will turn in to a chic new style of divorce for other mothers choosing to exit.
 
In Mr. Bernstein’s article he quotes (the director) Callie Khouri of “Mad Money” the 2008 film about “three women who commit a robbery.” She says about Katie, “She was not stupid, in my experience, Ms. Khouri said, Quite the opposite. When I was working with her, she seemed very happy. If things changed, the fact that she was able to do this without making it a big ugly public thing is not unlike what I would expect. She’s a dignified girl and she’s been in show business since she was a little kid. She’s not a neophyte.”
One can only remain hopeful that the Katie Holmes style of dignifying divorce starts a hip new trend!
 
Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today with wise words of wisdom, you NEVER meet your soul mate while you are married to someone else! It is just called hurting your spouse and children unnecessarily! AND with that said, pack up yesterday’s memories, remember only the good times and move on!
 
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
 
Kindest regards,
 
Asklotta
 
President and CEO
 
CBCorp
 ImageHonorab

6 Responses to “Divorcing”

  1. Liz T. July 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm #

    AMEN, Lotta!

    <>

    You can say that again! And the outcome when this fact is actually respected … HARMONY! And there’s only one route to get there. It’s called the high road. My mother took the high road when my Dad left her for another woman. She never once said a negative thing about my dad after their divorce. She never once said the words “child support” or “money” or “your dad did blankety-blank-blank to me” or “if your dad hadn’t left me…” or “your dad won’t pay for that so you can’t do it.” She never said one negative thing about my stepmom (and from my experience and observation it’s the insecurity of the bio-mom that starts the name-calling and/or bad relationship between a bio-mom and a stepmom — so here’s to you, Mom!). My mother gave me the freedom to love my stepmom. And guess what — I love my mother even more for it. So, my parents gave me the gift of harmony within their divorce, and the gift of many holidays with all three of them. Open minds create open hearts.

    I am eternally grateful for my parents’ maturity and restraint through some tough years. If there was anger, I wasn’t aware. If there was hurt, I wasn’t aware. If there was sadness, I wasn’t aware. They knew I had things to do, friends to meet, football games to attend, boyfriends to date, parties to throw, homework to do, and life to live. They were not going to allow their divorce to be a weight on my shoulders. So, thanks, Mom and Dad, for that loving gift of freedom.

    I still have my parents. They’re 88, soon to be 89. I lost my stepmom recently and would give anything to have her back. But God works in mysterious ways. Instead of my mom and dad living their lives out alone, they like to spend their time together with me. We yuck it up, laugh about the past, try to figure out my brothers, go on rides, and we all miss my stepmom. How’s that for life going full circle? It’s the payoff for two people taking the high road. We all win!

    Thanks, Asklotta! You made my day! I hadn’t thought about all this in a while. Love, Liz

    • asklotta July 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

      I knew there was a reason why I love your mother and you!
      May I use your comment for a future posting as a follow-up

  2. Ann July 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    Good subject, and good angle. I agree with it all!!!

    • asklotta July 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

      That does not surprise me! You are the real deal when it comes to being a Mother, a friend and former spouse! You are not going to take down your children just to disembowel your ex! You are far to dignified to live in the past!!!!Too much happiness to capture!

  3. Dr Mickelson July 15, 2014 at 10:53 am #

    We abbsolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be exactly what I’m looking for.
    Do you offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs?

    I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on some of the subjects you write related to here.
    Again, awesome weblog!

    • asklotta July 18, 2014 at 1:19 pm #

      Thank you very much Dr. Mickelson!

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