Sometimes Its Our Sense Of Humor…”

20 Apr


Dear Readers,
Sometimes it’s our sense of humor that keeps life simple!
It’s that Ahhh moment…do we get angry? OR (“set our regrets on fire”) laugh and find the humor in it all. That quick decision that keeps life truly simplistically (happy!)   But there is no mistaking, it is ours to decide!
1) The chicken and the egg are lying in bed. The chicken is sitting against the headboard, smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied grin on its face. The egg grabs the sheet, rollsover, and says, “huh, I guess we finally answered THAT age old question.” (Jolene)
2) A woman was at a wake paying her respects and as she made her way to the front standing next to the open casket she says to the widow, (not knowing what to say) your husband looks wonderful, the widow says…”He should, he ran 5 miles everyday!” (My mother)
3) What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?  Your honor  (Uncle Frank D’Amanda, Esq. if still alive 113 yrs., born 1899)
5) Golfer:  “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
        Caddy:  “Think you can keep your head down that long?” (Anonymous)
6) Golfer:  “How do you like my game?”
      Caddy:  “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”  (Anonymous)
7) Golfer:  “Please stop checking your watch all the time.  It’s
       Caddy:  “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”  (Anonymous)
8)  A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”  The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have everything.”  (Anonymous)
9) A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.  If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work.  And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him.”
“Don’t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs.”
“Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “what did the doctor say?”
“You’re going to die,” she replied.  (Anonymous)
10) A the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you
 accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”  (Anonymous)
11) The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.  (Tom Clancy)
12) I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written on it.  (William Faulkner)
As Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS with a smile, a hope and regrets on fire, that something will make you smile as well today! (No reason needed) But there is no mistaking it is ours to decide!  
Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!
Kindest regards,
President and CEO

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