Boyfriend GPS

8 Mar
Dear CBCorp President and CEO, codename “Lotta”;
I am a cool girl in her late 20′s and I don’t have a boyfriend. I am busy and happy with my career but I live in NYC and it’s impossible to meet guys. Lately I’ve been trying to be more assertive by emailing old loves, talking to strangers in restaurants and messaging random people on Facebook that I think are funny. I just want someone to laugh with and french kiss! Do you have any advice on how to meet more people/ be more open to forming a connection?
Grazie!
-Beatrix

 

 

Buon Giorno Beatrix,

Stop ora (stop now) CBCorp to the rescue,…cool girls in their late 20’s is one of my many specialities! You need me to tell you what to do, how to do it and what NOT to do (WE MIND YOUR BUSINESS). First of all, if french kissing is what you want, you are sending out crazy mixed up signals…have you noticed, you are speaking italian. That’s just craziness going on, no wonder you’re boyfriend navigationally misguided.

Obviously this will not be an easy task. First step: You need to raise your standards and raise them now…”I just want someone to laugh with and french kiss!” Anyone can do that, even a trained monkey! I want more for you and I want it now! If meeting men is the only goal, go to Grand Central Station but this will not make ME happy.  I want you to get yourself a high quality boyfriend GPS system for NYC. They are available in evening classes at one of the many colleges/universities right there on the island of Manhattan. You have a huge course selection to choose from, try a business course. Quality boyfriend GPS systems are also available at the many NYC sports club teams (lacrosse, soccer, squash etc) as well as getting on charity committees.

CBCorp not only defined the goals you should have as “a cool girl in her late 20’s” but as well as given you the correct tools to achieve said goals… There is only one definition of love, happiness and success and that is CBCorp’s definition!

Please contact CBCorp any time for more advice, it was my pleasure to get you back on the success and happiness track! Please remember, I am never wrong!

Kindest regards,

Asklotta

President and CEO

CBCorp

 

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